CPA / medication review

Thought I'd bring the blog up to date by posting about my CPA and medication review last week. The appointment at my CMHT was with my care-cordinator (occupational therapist) and psychiatrist. It started off badly as they called me in 15 mins later than my appointment time.The Dr then spent the first 15 mins talking about my self harm that had re-started in January. I didn't want to talk about it, it has happened and I want to move on from it. He asked to see it... Total embarrassment as I hide it away. I showed him but then asked that we move on with the meeting and stop talking about SH as it was triggering me.He moved on at my request and then medication was the issue. I told him I was still wanting to go back on lithium, I I have been asking for a year. He told me their concerns regarding toxicity and overdose risks after I OD last February on it and was really poorly suffering several seizures whilst in hospital. I reminded him of the 9 months I was completely stable on lithium and I want that stability back again. He stopped me in my tracks and offered to up my trazadone and quetiapine. I then lost my temper. After a year free of OD and after a year of collecting my prescriptions weekly I still wasn't trusted! I told him to just forget it I would buy the lithium online and risk all sorts not being properly monitored with bloods etc. I said I had wasted my time and flew out the room slamming the door behind me. I got in the car and sped away seething with anger as I drove home. I hadn't been back in the house long before my worker phoned and asked how I was and tried to calm me down. She said we needed to resolve this and couldn't leave things as they were. Another appointment was made for 2 days later.So Thursday I went to CMHT and saw just my worker this time. She had made a plan and I could see she had spent time on planning where we were going together as a team. She gave me 4 options
1- I go back under my old Dbt therapist for some more 1 to 1 work ( this would mean a change of team as in a different town)
2- I try my trazadone and quetiapine at higher dose
3- I try working with her on a self help book she had ordered from USA and work at the Bpd from a different angle than the dbt
4- I get put on a mood stabiliser

Together we decided options 3&4 used together would be a fresh start.She gave me a blood test request form that the dr had written so the lithium was still a strong possibility.She's off now for a weeks holiday but next Tuesday we will start the book The Angry Heart and hopefully I'll be on the road to lithium. I'm hopeful for this new plan, it's a different angle of attack on this horrible horrible illness that is borderline personality disorder...Thank you for reading