Beginnings..early years

So beginnings I thought was my mums death. It was after this that my mental health began to decline. But no, when i really think about it and go right back it was in my childhood that things started to go wrong.
Maybe I can pin point beginnings to my dads violent behaviour and outbursts after he'd been drinking. I'd stay in my bed curled up in a ball scared he would hurt my mum or come into my bedroom for me.
More likely it's from when I was nearly 15 and my mum told my dad she was leaving him and I was going with her. He reacted by beating her up in front of my eyes. I was unable to do anything about it, I froze and then went into automatic mode simply fetching my school shoes and then standing at the backdoor (after ringing my aunty for help). He spat tea in my face as I stood on the doorstep and called me a bitch. My mum got to her feet and grabbed just her purse and key and we ran from the house. I can remember all her change falling out of the purse and her fumbling on the floor trying to retrieve it all. I screamed at her to run to leave the money. We made it down the road when my aunty pulled up to rescue us.
My dad then stalked us for over a year despite injunctions against him. We had to spend a year in Bed & Breakfast accommodation ...we were homeless. I had to have teachers collect me from B&B and take me back to ensure I was safe.
It was during the time in B&B that I first thought of taking my life, I was 15. I didn't try anything just felt the pain and had ideas of how I could do it to get me out of the horrible situation. I began falling behind at school doing my GCSE's and the school suggested I drop subjects that weren't as valuable just to concentrate on the main ones.
What followed were tough years, my mum trying to raise me on her own despite her own depression and low self esteem. She told me once she wanted to end it all and kill herself. All I remember doing was begging her not to. Thankfully she didn't. During the year my dad stalked us he sent me a suicide letter with his plans etc. Apparently he did attempt suicide.
It was when my mum was first diagnosed with cancer when I was 24 that I first went to the GP and said I was struggling and feeling depressed. I came out of that appointment with Prozac ...the first of many medications I would got on to have.
It wasn't until after my mums death that my first episode of self harm actually happened. I sat in my bedroom and took a razor blade and took that first cut. I had been numb since my mums death 3 months prior not even being able to cry, the cut made me feel real again and the pain was nothing compared to what my mum had felt before her death.
And so the cutting became a coping mechanism that was used on and off for 8 years before my first suicide attempt in 2008 . That is where I became involved with mental health services.