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Showing posts with label #suicidal #bpd #Amitriptyline #struggling #overdose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #suicidal #bpd #Amitriptyline #struggling #overdose. Show all posts

Friday, 4 May 2012

Struggling

So I feel like I need to blog, no i'll rephrase that, I feel like I should blog. Though I dont have anything specific to blog about.

It's been another tough week. I've managed to go to work and complete my shifts somehow, but at night time my thoughts have turned really negative. I've had suicidal thoughts again quite strong but I've taken my night meds and have then fallen to sleep stopping the thoughts being actioned.

Today feels different, I've woken up with same thoughts that I went to bed with ... Suicidal ones.

I have nothing to hand in the house to do anything. My meds are all weekly so
nowhere near enough. To get other paracetamol would mean going to several different places. And to be honest although I have the thoughts and urges I don't think I have the energy to go to 4 different places.

What I am on the verge of doing is ordering some Amitriptyline online. I want these as a "get out plan", I'm not saying I would take them, I just know I would feel better having them in the house as a "way out".

So that's where I am at. Feeling pretty crap and I have a shift at work to get through later.

I'm sorry my blog posts are so negative at the moment but I suppose blogging is about what's happening and that just happens to be bad stuff.

Thanks for reading x
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